Graveyard Cinema
                                                                                                                                       By Dark Soul
Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

4 Gravestones

 Now you may think with a title like that, this can be one of two things.  A fun little
movie or one big ass mess.  Believe it or not this was a fun little film and it takes a
story we all know and grew up with and tells the story of what ever happened to
the brother and sister long after the encounter in the witches house.  What
happens is after they grow up they seek vengeance on all witches and go on a
seek and destroy mission to rig the world of the old hags.

 This was pretty good I have to say and it even was the number 1 movie on its
opening week.  Not bad for the two siblings from The Brothers Grimm fairy tale.  
Like most films of today it was shot in 3D but it was very well done and though
much didn't seem to jump out of the screen it played well with the depth of the
action seeming as though I was really there and not just watch a movie on a flat

 The creatures they hunted looked very good and these witches were far from the
pretty girls of Charmed, The Secret Circle or The Craft.  These are the classic evil
old hags that fly on booms and hang on our doorsteps on Halloween.  The story
too is pretty good, not the best story but for what they movie take it for
what it is and enjoy it.  I was shocked with all the violence this movie had.  I
thought going in that this would be another Van Helsing and rated PG but I was
very wrong and there were some four letter words used and a lot more violence
then you would think.  This is NOT a movie for the little ones.  There is even a
nude butt shot in this movie.  I would like to see a sequel to this movie and I think it
would be good too.

Warm Bodies
By Guest Review D.W. Jones

4 Gravestones

 Zombies are the ‘it’ thing.  With The Walking Dead a popular hit and with World
War Z coming up this summer, we have Warm Bodies right now.  Director
Jonathan Levine decided to turn the zombie genre on its ear and he succeeds in
making a fun movie that good for horror lovers and the date movie even your girl
would like.
 The movie stars Nicholas Hoult (X-Men: First Class, Jack: The Giant Slayer) as
R, the featured zombie, Theresa Palmer (I Am Number Four, The Sorcerer’s
Apprentice) as Julie the love interest and John Malkovich (Red, Jonah Hex) as
Julie’s father and militant leader.  
 The movie takes place shortly after a zombie apocalypse where we meet R
(Hoult), our lead zombie telling the life of a zombie as best he can living in an
abandoned airport hanging out with his ‘friend’ M.  Upon looking for food one day,
his pack comes upon a group of survivors.  After eating one of the men, he sees
Julie (Palmer) and thanks to getting memories from the brains he eats he ‘feels
something for her.  He saves her and brings her back to his home.  Now the more
he stays with her the more he changes to become more human.  Will he be
accepted by her or will he eventually eat her.
 While this sounds like a love story and it is to some extent it is, it has plenty of
regular zombie fare (attacking and eating) with blood and gore.  One of the cool
things in this movie are what they call Bonies, zombies so far gone that they are
nothing but skeletons.  This is a good balance to all the boy meets girl stuff.
 This is a great movie because it give the zombies a new look, something different
for better or worse, I’ll let you decided.  As I watched the movie, it felt to me done
in the same style as Zombieland with a lot of voice over (a little too much) by the
main character.  But it has something for everyone and that says a lot since most
movies target a specific audience.  It is worth seeing before it leaves the theatre or
on DVD

Don't Go Into The Woods

1 Gravestone

 Yeah, I know I have never ever giving any film that rating but you have not seem
this one...and you don't want to.  Don't Go Into The Woods should be Don't See
This Movie.  Think of Texas Chainsaw meets Glee and you have this film.  The
story opening with a young band of youths who go into the woods to have time to
write new songs and get away from it all.  But that plan goes to hell when a group
of young women show up and join them and so as you guessed it, no one writes
anything but they do get laid.  Yeah what a shock there.

 The fun really gets started when they are all start getting picked off by a mad
killer in the woods but this is no Jason....this guy is in a top hat and cape....and no
I am not kidding you and that's not even close to what's bad about this.  Ok here's
the bad part.  When the killer strikes and cuts someone's they don't
scream... they....and I shit you not...they sing.  That's right... they sing.  They sing
when they are walking, they sing when they are sitting, they sing when they are
banging, they sing when the killer is slicing them to bits...and they never ever stop
singing.  One guy had his throat cut wide open, he's bleeding to death and yet
he's walking, playing the guitar and you got it...singing.  They never stop singing.  
My God I wanted to cut my own throat.  I just watched this thing and said to
myself....."What the Bloody Hell is this shit" over and over and over again.  I was
just shocked that this was a film by real filmmakers.  Sometimes you just have to
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